Don't know how....and why...

Words have finally failed to express my feelings.Words to describe,words to convey messages,words to vent out the anger,words to soothe the pain in the heart,words to release the regrets,words to express my feelings....

It's really funny how some pictures and words can bring back memories that have been forced to be forgotten,to vanish.But no,memories will always be memories,they can be retrieved,even if it is a few minutes or even a few years ago...Such memories will always be bad.Such memories that will always haunt me and make me regret not taking the action.Was i too afraid of the consequences of the action?Was i too unprepared or was i such a coward?Was i such an idiot to realise the regrets that i would have in the future?Why isn't there an answer to everything?

Why can't i have a control over my life?Is it that i don't look like i can?But we never know until we try right?I CAN be in control.It's just that i can't find a reason to do that.I CAN control my actions.I CAN control my emotions.Which is why this has happened. Why is it that i always think of what to say AFTER something has happened?Why can't i think of it DURING the time it happened and say what i feel and carry out the action?Was i really that slow in thinking or has my brain been busted from the fall?But bad memories still comes back to me.Or was it really that i do not have to guts to do it?

And most importantly,WHY am i asking myself so many WHYs?Don't really see a purpose to continue living a controlled,regretful,cowardly,meaningless and painful life.Life is Life because it has been fucked and decided on the date of birth...It's just fate....

Mood>*****


Fucking my life away,Efil